Saturday, February 27, 2010

I don't mind the pain

It felt good to take a day off from making music today/tonight. Today I woke up, hung out with Julia for a while, went to Mike's with Dave, then came back to my apartment and watched Bullshit with Dave. He left a while ago and now I'm just sitting around waiting to get tired enough to fall asleep.

I just uploaded some more photos to my European tour journal entry, you can see them by clicking HERE.

They are for the show we played on December 8th, 2008 in Kassel, Germany.

We have a show Monday live on 91.5 FM WUML. Tune in if you live around here, if not then hopefully they have a live feed at: I'm not sure if they will or not though. We're supposed to do a Children Of The Night set as well as an Energy one, but for some reason I doubt we'll get our shit together just by practicing for 1 or 2 days. I hope it's not too big of a deal if that happens. I also hope that I sound alright. The last radio thing we did didn't have much reverb on the vocals at all, leaving it sounding very, very dry. I've heard a handful of recordings from other bands that have played there though and the sound is a lot better. I wish our WERS set sounded better because I would have already posted it online for download...but it doesn't, so I didn't.

I really wish I had access to a gym still. I have put on a lot of weight in the last year or 2, which I'm extremely happy about, but I could be utilizing this weight gain in a far more constructive way. I've been doing pushups every day, and crunches here and there, but it's not enough. That's one thing that my old apartment had over this one - a personal gym. I could go downstairs and use the gym at any hour and play whatever music I wanted...which was usually just Rollins Band. Mike gave me some video called P90x or something that is supposed to be really intense, maybe I'll start that tomorrow. When I get really into working out I constantly feel the need to do it more and more, but when I fall into a slump, it is extremely hard to get out of it. From not touring for a while, I haven't been sweating my ass off and getting an intense cardio workout every night from singing, so this is leading me to believe that I'm in the worst shape I've been in in a while. Whatever, I just need to change it. There is no sense in complaining about something if I don't do anything about it.

I just found this picture of me feeding a cupcake to C at Chain Reaction on 11-16-08 from the tour with H2O that we did.

I hope we get on another big tour like that for our next release. When we did that tour Joe and I complained so much about how no one liked us, but looking back it wasn't so bad. I can't really see why we complained so much. I feel like it's like that a lot though: we'll complain a lot, but then look back and say it wasn't so bad. That's probably because in the past year things have gotten progressively worse for us though. The tour with Defeater was REALLY good, then every tour after that was worse than the one before it. I think we made as many fans in the scene we were playing to as we're gonna. I think it's time to release something new, and branch out. I also hope that we do a music video for one of our new songs. I feel like releasing a music video online is GREAT promotion in this day and age, not to mention it would just be a lot of fun.

I was thinking earlier today about how I haven't really been depressed lately. For as far back as I can remember, I would slip into horrible bouts of depression and not be able to get out. I don't know what it is that has made this not happen in a while, but it's nice. It's nice to not completely break down and feel nothing but pain once a week at least. Instead though, I feel like it has been replaced with disgust, anger, rage, and disappointment.

I can look back at the lyrics I wrote for Punch The Clock and say that they were generally themed in sadness, regret, and wanting to get out and live my dreams of being in a band. With Invasions Of The Mind it was more just sadness, fear, and hopelessness. Maybe I got it all out of my system. I can still sing those songs with conviction because I can remember what it was like to feel that way, but I don't really feel that way anymore. I think that the new Energy E.P. is going to be a step in a darker direction. Darker in the sense that we've seen the evil's that the people in this world are capable of, and confident that we will never go down that path. I feel like the last 2 releases were more of wild, uncontrolled emotion that I didn't know what to do with other than get it out of me, while the new material has more of a direction and a message to it. I'm speaking lyrically of course. That could also be due to the fact that this is the first time I've allowed another member of the band to come into the lyrical aspect of writing. I've been writing lyrics with Mike for Children Of The Night for a while now, but this is something else entirely. I feel like Mike refines all the raw ability I have into the perfect representation of what I'm capable of. I think when left to my own devices, I'm not able to show that. At least not at this point in my life.

I can't believe how much I've grown to hate almost every person I encounter. I don't really even care if I meet another new person for the rest of my life. That might sound mean, sad, or exaggerated, but it's just how I feel right now.

I'm going to stop this now because it's getting too long and I have to finish uploading photos to the Energy Facebook before it gets too late. I want to try to spend most of the day with Julia today.

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