I don't really do much, so I figured I'd try something new by making a video update instead of a long, written update. Of course it skips and fucks up the whole thing like 2 minutes in. I really wish the video stayed synced up with the audio for the whole thing, but at least you can hear everything I said. Whatever.
This was a little awkward because I'm basically talking to myself when I do it. I guess I just need some more practice VLogging or whatever you want to call it.
I know this is going to seem a little redundant, but having to deal with these feelings is getting redundant, so I'm not going to stop until they go away:
In my eyes, music is in such a sad state. I feel like the bands that make the music, and the kids that are going to the shows don't even feel anything anymore. I know that if kids were getting bombarded with emotion and passion the way I was between the ages of 13 and 19, they wouldn't settle for the shit that the bands of today call "music". Which in turn would probably make those kids start great bands of their own once they got older. There is some element missing in all of this. I miss being interested in newer bands coming out with new music. I miss going to shows every weekend and having the time of my life. It's not my youth that I miss though, it's the passion that everyone embraced during that time period.
When punk was the most exciting for me, the albums that were just coming out were A.F.I.'s "Art Of Drowning", Son Of Sam's "Songs From The Earth", Lars Frederiksen and the Bastards, Rancid "2000", Bad Religion's "Process Of Belief", and a lot more. I am thankful beyond words for those albums, but had I known just how bad music would get during the upcoming years, I would have somehow cherished them even more. I don't enjoy complaining about this, not one bit. I am just left feeling empty all of the time because of it, so I have to get it out.
Recently I discovered Big Rig's "Expansive Heart" and that was the first time in a long time where I felt that rush again. That feeling that something inside me was changing from the music that I had just heard. It's like having a drug addiction that can't go away, and finding out that the drug no longer exists. I crave it every day. I dream about it. I daydream constantly about finding a new band that will move me. Even if they're an old band that's new to me, I'm still getting my fix. When I think about anyone getting chills from the music that the bands today are making, I am deeply saddened and disappointed. I want to somehow open up my brain, and open up my heart to let them see what I've seen in music. This isn't one finite list of bands that I'm talking about either, saying that would just be insane. I'm talking about an X-factor that's missing. Something that myself, nor anyone can seem to put their finger on, or define...but I know it once was there, and I know it isn't there anymore. My heart drops when people ask me if I'm going to a show that they plan on attending because it's shocking to think that someone doesn't realize that I'm not a part of this new age of mediocrity.
Listening to my music makes me feel the way that I felt when I was first getting excited about music as a teenager. I hope it makes other people feel that way too. When Energy plays shows I am just bleeding emotion, and only few are moved by it. I think that some people might just not like us, which is fine, but I think the majority of people that we play to are just plain indifferent, and so desensitized that they have become incapable of recognizing soul in anything. I realize that the only thing I can do is to try my hardest to recreate what I know is missing in music, and to hope for the best, I just can't help but worry.
I think that this is all stemming from a few things: when I spoke with Josh the other day he brought up how we used to listen to music in my room all the time when we were younger; the constant reminder that I don't go to Al's house anymore; and listening to a lot of the music that I listened to when I was 15. In a way, this could be considered selfish because I'm craving that feeling all the time, and am in constant search of the rush, but at the same time I know that it's not selfish at all. I know that this theoretical resurgence of passion within the music scene would cause a chain reaction, and that thousands of people would once again be able to feel the way that I once did.
I woke up around 4 today to about 15 missed calls from Julia. She was trying to make sure I would be awake and ready in time for my birthday dinner with my mom. My mom got me a bunch of gift certificates to my favorite restaurants. After that, Julia and I went back to the apartment and watched T.V. for a while. It wasn't a particularly eventful birthday, but I was just so thankful that I got to spend it with Julia, and not on tour. When Julia went to bed, Eric and Roe came over for a while, then we went to Mike's. We watched Tim and Eric and left after like 2 hours. This day flew by.
I can't believe that 10 years ago I was just turning 15. 14 to 19 were probably the most important years of my life, and I always reminisce about them. It's just really hitting me hard that all this time has passed since then. I am not close with many of the same people that I was close to back then, and that makes me sad. Although, I am close with some of them, which I am grateful for. I don't want to make this very long because I don't feel like getting into an emotional rant about missing my past. Celtic Pride is on right now and Julia is about to wake up.
I guess that all I can say is that things aren't so bad, I just miss the way they used to be.
Today I woke up at 10:30 am and started getting ready for practice and our radio show. I tried to sing as little as possible at practice to save my voice for the show. I think we did alright. A lot of my vocals were off, but I don't think people are looking for perfection in a live set. Of course though, from the artist's perspective, I can't help but criticize myself.
When we got there we loaded in and didn't sound check until less than a half of an hour before we started. I was nervous about the lack of reverb in the playback I heard, but listening to it now, it's not too bad. I was especially shaky during the first half of the Children Of The Night set. I think I was just nervous because I got better the more we played. The Energy set went pretty well aside from the fact that I forgot 1 line in Walk Into The Fire, and had a few awkward speaking moments between songs, but that's nothing new.
I wish someone was taking pictures because we still don't have 1 single photo of us playing live with Mike. Oh well, I'd rather have what we did get which is a soundboard quality recording of the show. Mike fixed up the audio so that it sounds better than it did:
Children Of The Night's set:
01. In The Graveyard 02. Ghoul Like You 03. The Messenger 04. I Play For Keeps 05. I'm Going To Kill You 06. Route 44 07. I Killed Your Boyfriend
Today I woke up at 11, showered, got ready, and found out we weren't practicing until 3, so I went back to sleep until 2. When I woke up for the second time I grabbed some food and headed to practice. We played the Energy set once through and then spent the rest of the time working on the Children Of The Night songs. I don't think we're going to play "I'm Gonna Kill You". We just couldn't get it sounding good.
Right now I'm just waiting for my brother to come by with some of his stuff because he had to move out of his apartment today and due to a last minute change of plans, he has to keep some of his things here. I hope he comes soon because I plan on trying to get 8 hours of sleep and be awake by 11. It's 1:32 right now, so that's doable.
I'm listening to Mark Palm from Go It Alone's new band "Devotion" right now. It's alright, I guess my only complaint is that a lot of the songs sound similar upon first listen. The songs aren't fast like GIA's songs, but I like that. I think bands can only do so much when having the exact same drum beat in every single song. I like the fact that he's incorporating some melody in the vocals, I just wish they were better melodies. However, I do like the melodies in "Needle Full Of Liquid Pain". The riffs have the same vibe as Histories' riffs had, I just think that the riffs on Histories were better. I can't find the lyrics anywhere, so I can't really get a grasp on what the songs are exactly about. I'm sure that the more I listen, the more it will grow on me.
Here's the music video they did. I'm pretty sure everyone but the drummer is Mark:
I'm going to try to get myself to step away from the computer for a while and maybe just relax on the couch while watching TV for once. I spend every single day and night just staring at this computer screen. Whatever.
Tune in to 91.5 FM WUML tonight from 8 to 11 PM to hear the live Energy and COTN sets...or, you can listen online here: http://www.wuml.org