I know this is going to seem a little redundant, but having to deal with these feelings is getting redundant, so I'm not going to stop until they go away:
In my eyes, music is in such a sad state. I feel like the bands that make the music, and the kids that are going to the shows don't even feel anything anymore. I know that if kids were getting bombarded with emotion and passion the way I was between the ages of 13 and 19, they wouldn't settle for the shit that the bands of today call "music". Which in turn would probably make those kids start great bands of their own once they got older. There is some element missing in all of this. I miss being interested in newer bands coming out with new music. I miss going to shows every weekend and having the time of my life. It's not my youth that I miss though, it's the passion that everyone embraced during that time period.
When punk was the most exciting for me, the albums that were just coming out were A.F.I.'s "Art Of Drowning", Son Of Sam's "Songs From The Earth", Lars Frederiksen and the Bastards, Rancid "2000", Bad Religion's "Process Of Belief", and a lot more. I am thankful beyond words for those albums, but had I known just how bad music would get during the upcoming years, I would have somehow cherished them even more. I don't enjoy complaining about this, not one bit. I am just left feeling empty all of the time because of it, so I have to get it out.
Recently I discovered Big Rig's "Expansive Heart" and that was the first time in a long time where I felt that rush again. That feeling that something inside me was changing from the music that I had just heard. It's like having a drug addiction that can't go away, and finding out that the drug no longer exists. I crave it every day. I dream about it. I daydream constantly about finding a new band that will move me. Even if they're an old band that's new to me, I'm still getting my fix. When I think about anyone getting chills from the music that the bands today are making, I am deeply saddened and disappointed. I want to somehow open up my brain, and open up my heart to let them see what I've seen in music. This isn't one finite list of bands that I'm talking about either, saying that would just be insane. I'm talking about an X-factor that's missing. Something that myself, nor anyone can seem to put their finger on, or define...but I know it once was there, and I know it isn't there anymore. My heart drops when people ask me if I'm going to a show that they plan on attending because it's shocking to think that someone doesn't realize that I'm not a part of this new age of mediocrity.
Listening to my music makes me feel the way that I felt when I was first getting excited about music as a teenager. I hope it makes other people feel that way too. When Energy plays shows I am just bleeding emotion, and only few are moved by it. I think that some people might just not like us, which is fine, but I think the majority of people that we play to are just plain indifferent, and so desensitized that they have become incapable of recognizing soul in anything. I realize that the only thing I can do is to try my hardest to recreate what I know is missing in music, and to hope for the best, I just can't help but worry.
I think that this is all stemming from a few things: when I spoke with Josh the other day he brought up how we used to listen to music in my room all the time when we were younger; the constant reminder that I don't go to Al's house anymore; and listening to a lot of the music that I listened to when I was 15. In a way, this could be considered selfish because I'm craving that feeling all the time, and am in constant search of the rush, but at the same time I know that it's not selfish at all. I know that this theoretical resurgence of passion within the music scene would cause a chain reaction, and that thousands of people would once again be able to feel the way that I once did.